an existential crisis?

^{lately i've been wasting my minutes, hours, days, just being counter-productive. im stuck in the funk of those inquisitive "what's the meaning of life?" moods so i thought i would turn to ecclesiastes.}


Ecclesiastes 1
^"13 I devoted myself to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under heaven. What a heavy burden God has laid on men!"


Ecclesiastes 2
^"11 Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
nothing was gained under the sun....

¹⁵ Then I thought in my heart,
"The fate of the fool will overtake me also.
What then do I gain by being wise?"
I said in my heart,
"This too is meaningless...."

¹⁷ So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind....

²⁴ A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, ²⁵ for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment?"


Ecclesiastes 3
^"19 Man's fate is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath; man has no advantage over the animal. Everything is meaningless."


Ecclesiastes 5
^"7 Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God."


Ecclesiastes 6
^"10 Whatever exists has already been named,
and what man is has been known;
no man can contend
with one who is stronger than he.

¹¹ The more the words,
the less the meaning,
and how does that profit anyone?

¹² For who knows what is good for a man in life, during the few and meaningless days he passes through like a shadow? Who can tell him what will happen under the sun after he is gone?"

the human race is just one of the hundreds of millions of species that inhabit this planet. like all living things we are bound to the earth, we require its water, oxygen, food. we are born, we live, we die, and the earth spins on. what is the impact of my life upon this planet while i exist? im so small, so ordinary. what can i do that hasnt already been done? who will remember me after i pass? if the "best thing for man to do" is just enjoy his life here and realize that is from the hand of god, then what really matters at all? ive always thought material possessions and accomplishments to be meaningless, but i never looked at knowledge or wisdom as equally meaningless. im considering foregoing college to go do something with my life, be a missionary or make music or something to help those who cant help themselves. cause who knows how long ill be here, why not make an impact today? and if wisdom, money, status, possession, accolades are all meaningless, why not just start living today entirely to give love away? i know i have the desire and the potential to do it, but i dont know what gods plan for me is.

many words are meaningless. so i will stand speechless in awe of you, trusting you to sustain me and give me worth. reveal to me your purpose