why am i awake?

⁹ The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?

¹⁰ "I the LORD search the heart
and examine the mind,
to reward a man according to his conduct,
according to what his deeds deserve." - Jeremiah 17

and here's some hamlet:

"What should such fellows as I do crawling
between earth and heaven? We are arrant knaves,
all; believe none of us."

so we all suck. we are dishonest and fallacious to the core. and the one person who can see our thoughts, hearts, actions in entirety is god. he is the only one who sees all the junk, knows just how evil and nasty we are. yet he is also the only one who loves us at all times, unconditionally, and more than we could ever fathom. weird.

thanks for loving me in spite of me.