שבת

(shabbat) - "to cease"

"By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work." - Genesis 2:2

so god took the first nap ever. nice.
his day of rest is why we have church on sunday and why we celebrate that day as the sabbath. yet this never seemed to make sense to me because in my mind, god is tireless. he is all powerful and we always hear that god never grows weary. so why did he take a day to rest after creating the universe? i dont think he NEEDED to, but he CHOSE to. and it was good. i think he was showing the value and importance of relaxing, slowing down, looking back and reflecting.

today i had plans and things to do. but i scratched my cornea when i woke up and spent the day at home, sorting through old music, clothes, pictures, papers, and other stuff. it was a great time to relax and be with him. i dont think i needed a day of rest, but god chose it to be so, and it was good. thank you lord

Gittith?

For the director of music. According to gittith.

A psalm of David.

¹ O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory
above the heavens.

² From the lips of children and infants
you have ordained praise
because of your enemies,
to silence the foe and the avenger.

³ When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,

⁴ what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?

⁵ You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings
and crowned him with glory and honor.

⁶ You made him ruler over the works of your hands;
you put everything under his feet:

⁷ all flocks and herds,
and the beasts of the field,

⁸ the birds of the air,
and the fish of the sea,
all that swim the paths of the seas.

⁹ O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth! - Psalm 8

first reaction: what the heck is gittith? i hope its some really amazing, moving music that the psalm is set to.

anyways, when i see the night sky filled with stars, i am humbled. creation is unthinkably large and ageless, i am small and my time is short. the stars and the moon i look up to are the same that shone upon adam, david, jesus, and paul. their light has guided all of us through the darkness. i am tiny. the span of my life is but a breath in all of existence. what am i that you should be mindful of me? care for me? die for me? i can not fathom the works of your hands god. or comprehend your love.

ju so craysee mang.

Episode IV: A New Hope

" ¹⁷ It so happened that after Pharaoh released the people, God didn't lead them by the road through the land of the Philistines, which was the shortest route, for God thought, "If the people encounter war, they'll change their minds and go back to Egypt."

¹⁸ So God led the people on the wilderness road, looping around to the Red Sea. The Israelites left Egypt in military formation.

¹⁹ Moses took the bones of Joseph with him, for Joseph had made the Israelites solemnly swear to do it, saying, "God will surely hold you accountable, so make sure you bring my bones from here with you."

^20-22 They moved on from Succoth and then camped at Etham at the edge of the wilderness. God went ahead of them in a Pillar of Cloud during the day to guide them on the way, and at night in a Pillar of Fire to give them light; thus they could travel both day and night. The Pillar of Cloud by day and the Pillar of Fire by night never left the people." - Exodus 13

it's weird to be at home right now, and not be in the day7 community every sunday and tuesday. but it is good.
right now im moving into life after high school, into freedom and college, but that means im leaving home and comfort and what i know. for now i need to trust that what god has waiting for me is the best thing possible. im finding other ways to relate with god and be in his presence outside of church, which is important. i hope that continues and develops.

i think its funny that the israelites prepared for war, expecting to travel through the Philistine's land because that was the most direct and logical path. yet god knew their hearts and that they couldnt handle battle. i see them fresh out of slavery, suited up and ready for battle, traveling in formation right toward the land of the Philistines. and then god's all like, no. and he does his thing and leads them his way, the best way. and he is everpresent to them. and it is the best way, the best good.

god, please be my pillar as i set out. take my expectations and smash them if they arent in accordance with your will. you know the depths of me, even what i cant understand. surprise me, take me where you will, show me that you are with me, and i will praise your name.

O, Porcupine!

" ¹ By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept
when we remembered Zion.

² There on the poplars
we hung our harps,

³ for there our captors asked us for songs,
our tormentors demanded songs of joy;
they said, "Sing us one of the songs of Zion!"

⁴ How can we sing the songs of the LORD
while in a foreign land?

⁵ If I forget you, O Jerusalem,
may my right hand forget its skill .

⁶ May my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth
if I do not remember you,
if I do not consider Jerusalem
my highest joy.

⁷ Remember, O LORD, what the Edomites did
on the day Jerusalem fell.
"Tear it down," they cried,
"tear it down to its foundations!"

⁸ O Daughter of Babylon, doomed to destruction,
happy is he who repays you
for what you have done to us-

⁹ he who seizes your infants
and dashes them against the rocks." - Psalm 137

this psalm keeps coming up in conversation and books and jared's crazy music. i like it. ill forgo interpreting or explicating the baby crushing part for now though. my focus is on the first half of the psalm, i want to hold god and worshiping him in such high respect that my cry would mirror Jeremiah's:

If I forget you, O God,

my my right hand forget its skill

May my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth,

If I do not remember you,

If I do not consider you, O Lord,

my highest joy.

i would rather lose all musical talent, lose my ability to speak or sing, lose my memory and my mind if all those gifts arent being used becuase of god and for god.

everything in transit

^{" 1} There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

...

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain" - Ecclesiastes 3

most of this chapter is confusing to me and i need to reflect on it more, but this part relates to me now. ive tended to be a drifter between different groups of friends as ive grown up, keeping only a handful of close relationships. which i think is good, because its shown me different seasons of my life and how ive changed, etc. right now i find myself at one of those transition points. i look at people im close to recently and see great memories and close bonds, but i know its time to leave. i like the imagery of how solomon says that there is a time to gather stones and a time to scatter- not just to lose or misplace stones along the way, but to intentionally scatter them. ive had times of gathering friends up and embracing and growing close, and now its seems its time to part. maybe its time to intentionally grow apart. and thats okay, because in their time those relationships were perfect and exactly what i needed. i thank god for the blessings that my friends have been. yet i see new opportunities and new relationships and im excited.

god, you have plotted my life out and know every turn i will make. it is a perfectly planned course and everything happens just as it should at just the right moment. thank you for that. i love you

happy fathers day, o holy father

^"11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

¹² they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone." - Psalm 91

do you ever think about angels? the divine beings sent to protect us, inspire us, and reveal god to us? i usually dont. but the earth is full of them. so is heaven. i got curious and did some research and there are so many types and groups of angels and other creations watching over us and worshipping god and battling against the enemy. seraphim, cherubim, archangels, messengers- we are constantly surrounded and covered and its overwhelming. i feel like im in a sci fi movie when i try to picture it all in my head. i honestly dont even know what to say right now, my thoughts are scrambled. god is so far beyond my comprehension.

wow, im spoiled.

so here's a fun story. im out in my backyard on a comfy chair, reclined with my feet up on another comfy chair. its a perfect day- an absolutely perfect day. sunny with a slight breeze, clear blue sky, warm enough to lose the shoes and shirt. im shaded by an umbrella, ive got my familys spare laptop on my tummy and one of our kittens curled up on my feet. im trying to think of something to journal about, and i start looking around. a robin is diving down into the bird fountain to take a bath and his birdy friends whistle as he does so. the green leaves on the branches of the trees around me are dancing and swinging. a small puffy cotton ball cloud is floating off in the distance above rolling hillocks. the kitten is purring. the robin hops back up on the fence and ruffles and shakes his feathers to dry off before preening them carefully. i focus my eyes on the ground and see tiny insects, usually unnoticed, crawling about and doing their business. the cool breeze is causing tiny ripples to travel in interesting patterns across the surface of the pool beside me. i realize that on my lap im holding a small plastic tablet, which we call a laptop, that lets me communicate wirelessly with people hundreds of miles away at a whim. and do a bunch of other crazy cool things. a squirrel in a tree is yelling at one of our other kittens to stay away from him and his acorn. my backyard alone is so full of life. i look around, and life is freaking amazing. do we notice this? if we do, do we care?

so i start typing.

^"8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

⁹ Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing." - Psalm 34

and i think about how ridiculously blessed i am. he has shown me that he is good in so many ways. just living in america puts me in the top 1% of wealth in the world, and living where i do in almaden puts me in the top 1% of that highest 1% of wealth. im freaking blessed. god really does cause my cup to runneth over, and over, and over. i have so much more than i need, more than i could even want for that matter. i dont deserve any of this. there is so much poverty and hurt in my lifetime, people have nothing, and my life is so so so good.

and as im writing and thinking, i begin to wonder if in the midst of all that i do have, is god the most important to me? do i truly believe that i could have ONLY him, as in having literally nothing to my name (possessions, family, friends, clothing, food, dewlling, transportation, anything!) except knowing god, and that even then i would be lacking nothing in my life? could i really do without the rest, keeping only my relationship with him?

or has my unimaginably huge store of blessings from god become a storehouse of distractions from him?

and heres the best part. as im lying outside thinking over all this, the laptop on my tummy that im typing on shuts off. it wasnt out of battery, i didnt press any buttons, it just shut off. and i tried to turn it back on but it wouldnt start. i immediately heard from god to stop, put everything aside, and be with him. to look around more and see just how blessed i am. so i sat with god.
other people in this world have so little. and i have so much. TOO much. but all the busyness and technology and opportunities that god has been blessing me with have been distracting me. the one who blesses should always be appreciated more than the blessing itself.
and as i sat, i realized i needed to praise god, so i grabbed my guitar from inside and returned to my seat. i dont know how many hours i spent sitting in silence with god, looking at his creation, and singing praise to him, but today was indescribable.

thank you, thank you, thank you, O lord of heaven and of earth, for your love. i love you too.

why am i awake?

⁹ The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?

¹⁰ "I the LORD search the heart
and examine the mind,
to reward a man according to his conduct,
according to what his deeds deserve." - Jeremiah 17

and here's some hamlet:

"What should such fellows as I do crawling
between earth and heaven? We are arrant knaves,
all; believe none of us."

so we all suck. we are dishonest and fallacious to the core. and the one person who can see our thoughts, hearts, actions in entirety is god. he is the only one who sees all the junk, knows just how evil and nasty we are. yet he is also the only one who loves us at all times, unconditionally, and more than we could ever fathom. weird.

thanks for loving me in spite of me.

toenail polish stays on for a long time...

"4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" - Philippians 4

i think the "always" is the key word here. i dont want to use my busyness as an excuse for spending less time with my savior. jared spoke wonderfully on this passage last night and lauren and i got to discuss for a while which was awesome, and the desire of my heart is to truly always rejoice in god. paul doesnt say "rejoice when you have free time," or "rejoice when god blesses you," or "rejoice when you are at church or among fellow believers." i want a constant presence of god and a lasting joy.

i am forgetful, i take things for granted, i preoccupy myself with unimportant things, but stay with me throughout my day. be on my mind, in my heart, at the tip of my tongue. i love you.

root beer + cake = sad, sad breakfast

^"27 But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you" - Luke 6

do good to those who hate you.
well poop.

im realizing lately that theres more people whom i dont particularly like than i thought. which i guess isnt all that bad as long as i can still love and appreciate who they are as a child of god. as a brother or sister of mine. but i think thats the part i need to work on. i dont have much of a desire to bless those who do bad things to me, but i long for that sort of selfless love and forgiveness. ive been working on that.
im noticing that people around me are so focused on reclaiming pride or proving strength when they have been wronged. they rise to return hatred or do evil to others at the slightest provocation. maybe im also guilty of that at times. but its sad. my heart hurts to look at how much hate is here. its so pointless. get over yourselves, realize there is more to live for than little old you, at least try to love.

i miss loving you god

(no verse today, just convo with my creator)

its not that i stopped loving you, but im not acting on my love enough. and if i love you, it should be more prominent. i hate the flares of apathy. i hate the times when i know the right thing to say or do, but disregard it because i dont really care. help me to care more god,
put passion back into my nonchalant soul

swallow my pride, swallow my advil

“1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” - Proverbs 15

unfortunately this is exactly what i need to hear right now. im so sick of being nice. i just get screwed over. and its so easy to be cruel after being hurt. i am still really confused and feel betrayed and i think this is gonna stay with me a while. i know i deserve better. but im stuck here. please help me get past this asap

violins and vicodins

"1 I love You, O Lord, my strength." - Psalm 18

ive been alive only 18 years today god. im puny, arrogant, ignorant, undeserving. but you love me. and you want nothing but for me to love you too. well im trying god