midterms, check. broken bones, check. go-gurts, check.

" ¹⁴Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. ¹⁵Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. ¹⁶Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited." - Romans 12

sometimes i am so self-righteous. i have so much and yet sometimes i have so little gratitude. sometimes i pass judgment, sometimes i pass blindly by those in need. i sometimes despise those who persecute me, returning curse for curse.
and yet sometimes i see god in me through my acts, or in others through theirs, and i am content.

keep us in harmony with each other, lord.
in harmony with each other, and in harmony with your will.
i pray today for strength to persevere through testing, for healing of a broken body, and for repentance of a heavy heart.

A Psalm Of David, and Of Josh.

i'm scared for this weekend to be honest. we are playing oregon state and st. mary's, two very good rugby sides. i just trust god will take care of my teammates and i. during the match, i get lost in my responsibilities and the exhaustion, just like i did in football, but this is what i want to be focused on:

Psalm 144

1 Praise be to the LORD, my rock,
who trains my hands for war,
my fingers for battle.

² He is my loving God and my fortress,
my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield, in whom I take refuge,
who subdues peoples under me.

³ O LORD, what is man that you care for him,
the son of man that you think of him?

⁴ Man is like a breath;
his days are like a fleeting shadow.

⁵ Part your heavens, O LORD, and come down;
touch the mountains, so that they smoke.

⁶ Send forth lightning and scatter the enemies;
shoot your arrows and rout them.

...

⁹ I will sing a new song to you, O God;
on the ten-stringed lyre I will make music to you,

¹⁰ to the One who gives victory to kings,
who delivers his servant David [and his servant Josh] from the deadly sword.

...

¹⁵ Blessed are the people of whom this is true;
blessed are the people whose God is the LORD.

we have trained, lord. we are ready to play. give protection, give courage.

deadlifts = break-your-back lifts

im in some serious pain today. i cant even put my shoes on, walking is aggravating, focusing on anything is extremely difficult. i have so much to do and not enough time or strength. i just want to curl up in my bed and watch movies all day. ever since i arrived here i have been busy, busy, busy. all my friends have time to lounge and hang out and are so free to do all these activites but my schedule is killing me. i can't do what i want to do. i am worn the frick out. i want a break, but i know i'm not getting one anytime soon. i don't care that i'm being whiny and self-centered and making a huge deal of everything, i think i deserve to do that for once. this is my breakdown.
and yet...

i open my bible for one split second and stare face to face with rebuke.

¹ "Man born of woman
is of few days and full of trouble.

² He springs up like a flower and withers away;
like a fleeting shadow, he does not endure.

...

²² He feels but the pain of his own body
and mourns only for himself."

- Job 14

i don't even want to pray this right now, but god, help me overlook my pain today and try to love on others

¹ Listen to my prayer, O God,
do not ignore my plea;

² hear me and answer me.
My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught

...

⁶ I said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest-

⁷ I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;
Selah

⁸ I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm." - Psalm 55

i wish i had wings. i need to get away to some place i can think. my thoughts are too convoluted and misdirected here. that's what i miss most about home-- the lazy, boring afternoons of lying around by myself; privacy, solitude, time to rest and reflect. i just need time to think, god.

to those who fought the battles i will never have to fight:

happy veteran's day, and thank you for your bravery.


^"9For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding." - Colossians 1

i am beginning to realize how blessed i am to have constant prayer support. i don't usually give it much thought, but i can't begin to imagine what my life would look like without their aid. i am also coming to realize how little time i spend in contact with my creator, so it is incredible to know that others are petitioning and praying on my behalf even when i slip up. thank you, thank you, thank you to anyone who has been this support to me, it is encouraging and i promise to try and be just as active in prayer for others.

a redirection of exertion is in order

"¹¹We hear that some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies." - 2 Thessalonians 3:11


i feel very busy lately, but in all honesty i don't know how much of it is worthwhile. i'm so tired of wasting time going through meaningess, excess motions. gossip is meaningless, laziness is wasteful, bitterness is trite. let me be fruitful always, in all aspects of my living.
i really mean this, lord.
ready, set, go.

rest is for the weary, not the lazy

^"1 I am the man who has seen affliction
by the rod of his wrath.

² He has driven me away and made me walk
in darkness rather than light;

³ indeed, he has turned his hand against me
again and again, all day long.

⁴ He has made my skin and my flesh grow old
and has broken my bones." - Lamentations 3

my life is good, but i sometimes i feel just like this. this weekend i was physically, mentally, and emotionally tested and broken. not to be dramatic, but i am completely drained. it took some serious courage to get through. but i am grateful to god, and i wouldnt have it any other way.

you rock, big guy. keep it coming