froz yog for breakfast

"20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." - Galations 2


i dont think ive ever really pictured myself on the cross with christ. thats a slightly scary image for me. but it also kind of calming in a weird way. hmm.

god, give me the strength to overcome my pride, my ambition, my desires. help me die to myself. thats the only way you can live in me.

rumble rumble, says my tummy.

" 4 In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust;
I shall not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?" Psalm 56

nothing. thats the answer: nothing at all.
so suck it.

let me extol your might, lord
let me extol your wonder and glory everyday

argh

<sup>im a pirate.

" 6</sup>Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸Love never fails. " - 1 Corinithians 13

love would have found a way. love would have realized what was at stake. love would not have been able to let go. love would have overlooked everything passed, with only hope for future love, for the sake of love alone. love would have made something out of nothing, it would have found a way.

give love away

“15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”- Romans 12


this reminds me of the Matthew nooma video when rob bell talks about the practice of "sitting shiva." when i go to empathize with someone (whether it be in times of joy or grief), i want to try and truly feel what they feel, obtain their perspective. i want to be completely present with them in their moment, leaving behind all of me. i want to be humbled, reminded that i am but one of 7 billion in this world at this moment, im not that important. the best thing i can do is to give love away to others.

fo free!

zombie fingers. cool!

"19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" - James 1

this doesnt describe me most of the time. it should, i want it to.

i cant do this on my own, ive tried. please help.

last night...

^"7 Tremble, O earth, at the presence of the Lord,
at the presence of the God of Jacob" - Psalm 114

...i fell facedown at the cross, unable to move, look, or speak in your presence. in my heart i worked over and over the only words i could bear:
lord jesus, son of david, have mercy on me, a sinner.

it was an amazing time.
thank you for mercy. and grace. and your incomprehensible love. i dont know why you are so perfect to me, and i never will, but thank you.

diet pepsi zero light max ultra

⁶ "If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth." - 1 John: 1

this needs no explication.
dont let me front god. help me be legit.

how to deal

²⁵ "A greedy man stirs up dissension,
but he who trusts in the LORD will prosper."- Proverbs 28

Don't let the jealousy, longing, or bitterness of my heart disturb what you have planned for me. your will is better than what i want for myself- teach me to honestly believe that.

be all that i desire, and i shall not be in want

trust. and pretzels

^"14 When times are good, be happy;
but when times are bad, consider:
God has made the one
as well as the other.
Therefore, a man cannot discover
anything about his future." - Ecclesiastes 7

1. sometimes i question why god does what he does or why certain things happen. then i remember, this is his world im living in, his universe, his existence. who am i to question his ways or works? god has made both good and bad times for this world and for me, i need to learn to accept .
2. sometimes i plan out my life, whether that be in the form of insignificant daily activities or ambitious lifelong dreams. then i discover the futility of my plan-making, the lack of control or power i have over my life, and am humbled. who am i to set order to my life? he knows my future perfectly, i need to learn to trust.

let me live here with you in this moment, sane mistrust of your will, sans regard for my future, avec joy and fellowship and servitude

*contented sigh*

^"13 A happy heart makes the face cheerful,
but heartache crushes the spirit." - Proverbs 15

im feeling really good today. its a warm and bright outside with a perfect comfy breeze. birds are singing, branches are waving, flowers are dancing in the air. colors are vivid. scents are pleasant and sweet. it feels fresh, crisp. my heart is happy.
it is a GOOD day to be alive. i am blessed beyond comprehension with what i have; every possible human necessity and then so many unnecessary luxuries are always availabe. i am never in need, hardly ever in want. i have a seriously awesome life, and undeservedly so. at all times my heart truly has no reason to be anything but joyful, so my face should reflect that. so should my thoughts, speech, actions, etc.

thank you so much just for this moment right now. and this moment.

and this one.

i have to pee...

“God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.” - Hebrews 6:10

this seems to be in line with what kit spoke on tonight, that whole deal about investing in people with your time, love, and compassion. people, no matter how flawed, are made by their creator to be a model of him, to be an image and likeness of god on earth, to reflect his attributes. we are the action figures of him as ginny puts it. and like jesus said, "whatever you do for the least of my action figures, you do for me." or something like that...

i want to have more love for you and your army of action figures in this world, no matter how inaccurate they are to their original design. help me

Forgive/Forget

^"13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" - Colossians 3

and this is how the Lord forgave...

^"33 When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. ³⁴ Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." And they divided up his clothes by casting lots" - Luke 23

as they killed him, he forgave. inconceivable...
thank you for persepective, my issues seem trite now. i know compassion is the way to go, and i know exoneration should follow, but i sill dont feel like im ready yet. help me to show grace when i am.

who are you, god?

can my human understanding possibly fathom you? thank you for making it so easy to pick up where ive left off in my walk with you when i stray or get distracted.
tonight at connections, thayne and i scanned over job. your sarcastic, mocking, powerful rebukes to job and his friend made me realize once again the kind of god i serve.


^{Job 38
4} "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.

⁵ Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?"

...

¹⁶ "Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea
or walked in the recesses of the deep?

¹⁷ Have the gates of death been shown to you?
Have you seen the gates of the shadow of death?"

...

¹⁹ "What is the way to the abode of light?
And where does darkness reside?

²⁰ Can you take them to their places?
Do you know the paths to their dwellings?

²¹ Surely you know, for you were already born!
You have lived so many years!"

...

³¹ "Can you bind the beautiful Pleiades?
Can you loose the cords of Orion?

³² Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons
or lead out the Bear with its cubs?

³³ Do you know the laws of the heavens?
Can you set up God's dominion over the earth?"

...

³⁶ Who endowed the heart with wisdom
or gave understanding to the mind?"

Job 39

¹ "Do you know when the mountain goats give birth?
Do you watch when the doe bears her fawn?

² Do you count the months till they bear?
Do you know the time they give birth"

...

¹⁹ "Do you give the horse his strength
or clothe his neck with a flowing mane?"

...

²⁶ "Does the hawk take flight by your wisdom
and spread his wings toward the south?"

Job 40

¹ "The LORD said to Job:

² "Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him?
Let him who accuses God answer him!"

³ Then Job answered the LORD :

⁴ "I am unworthy—how can I reply to you?
I put my hand over my mouth.

⁵ I spoke once, but I have no answer—
twice, but I will say no more."

⁶ Then the LORD spoke to Job out of the storm:

....

⁹ "Do you have an arm like God's,
and can your voice thunder like his?

¹⁰ Then adorn yourself with glory and splendor,
and clothe yourself in honor and majesty."

Job 41

¹ "Can you pull in the leviathan with a fishhook
or tie down his tongue with a rope?

² Can you put a cord through his nose
or pierce his jaw with a hook?

³ Will he keep begging you for mercy?
Will he speak to you with gentle words?

⁴ Will he make an agreement with you
for you to take him as your slave for life?"

...

¹⁰ "No one is fierce enough to rouse him.
Who then is able to stand against me?

¹¹ Who has a claim against me that I must pay?
Everything under heaven belongs to me."

Job 42

¹ "Then Job replied to the LORD :

² "I know that you can do all things;
no plan of yours can be thwarted.

³ You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?'
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me to know.

⁴ "You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.'

⁵ My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you.

⁶ Therefore I despise myself
and repent in dust and ashes."

wow...i have nothing to say god. sitting here looking at the blanket of night you stretch across the earth, listening to the melodies of the crickets that you orchestrate, waiting, and listening, and hoping for more you, i find i have no words.