just like grendel, just like beowulf

"Thus he must wait/ for the Day of Judgment, smeared with his sins,/ to learn his doom from the God of Glory."

this quote from beowulf describes the fate of the nastiest, vilest, most wretched beast to ever have stalked the earth under the veil of midnight sky. grendel. the slaughterer of danes and marauder of the dark. it also describes my fate surprisingly well though. when judgment day comes, im right there with grendel, covered in my sin and awaiting the judgment of the supreme ruler.



"Now has a warrior/ performed that deed through the power of the Lord,/ which until this time none of us could contrive/ how to do it ourselves."

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.” - Ephesians 2: 8-9

this verse was the discussion at mondays bible study and is still on my mind. i have no control over my own fate, not matter what i do or how good i am. and just like beowulf, i am powerless in and of myself, but have infinite power through he who strengthens me.

a new fellowship

tonight was my first night with the bible study for dudes at my dorm. it was good getting to know the guys, definitely not what i expected, but good nonetheless. we went to the apartment where some of the older guys live and had a bible sesh there, which was new to me cause every churchy thing i've ever done has been at a church. it was cool meeting in a house. i felt like that's how the early disciples used to do fellowship together, just right there in the homes of people they met, not in a giant church setting. it's more personal that way.

math midterm was meh today.
gossip girl was meh tonight.
dlg late night was meh tonight.
it has been a meh day. that's okay though.
your will be done, lord, on earth as it is in heaven

closer than a brother

Proverbs 18

9One who is slack in his work
is a brother to one who destroys.

13He who answers before listening--
that is his folly and his shame.

24A man of many companions may come to
ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer
than a brother.



good stuff.
first proverb= laziness is not conducive to the kingdom of heaven. i need to be active

second proverb= idle chatter is not of any use. i need to listen more effectively before speaking

third proverb= many of my friendships are closer than my relationship with my brother. this really makes me think about how brotherhood was back then vs. how it is now. alternatively, some people say this "friend" is a reference to christ. am i as close with christ as i am with my brother? am i as close with christ as i am with my other friends?

decimate, restore, and sustain me today lord

author-ity

^{part uno
"18}Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me." - Matthew 28:18

basic stuff, yet i have a hard time submitting


part dos
" ¹³Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, ¹⁴or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right." - 1 Peter 2:13

okay...but what if hes freaking crazy like hitler? or if in submitting to these men i compromise who i am or what i believe? im cool with government most of the time, but this sounds extreme. it reminds me of the 'isola' theme at hume a few years back. it was a viking derivation of the 'daniel in the furnace' story where 4 strapping young men come under foreign rule in a new land, isola, and are faced with customs and laws contrary to theirs. the daniel character says: "in every way except those which are essential, we must become isola." they go along with some of the ways of isola, but when the essentials are compromised, they hold fast.


part tres
" 8In the very same way, these dreamers pollute their own bodies, reject authority and slander celestial beings.
....
11Woe to them! They have taken the way of Cain; they have rushed for profit into Balaam's error; they have been destroyed in Korah's rebellion.

12These men are blemishes at your love feasts, eating with you without the slightest qualm—shepherds who feed only themselves. They are clouds without rain, blown along by the wind; autumn trees, without fruit and uprooted—twice dead. 13They are wild waves of the sea, foaming up their shame; wandering stars, for whom blackest darkness has been reserved forever." - Jude 1

verse 8 sounds strikingly similar to modern society. verses 11-13 are terrifying. i dont know about you, but im not really into having "blackest darkness" reserved for me. the whole ethereal light thing sounds kinda cool.

lord, help me understand this whole authority deal in my heart, not just my head. god > government, god > me.

patience

“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” - Psalm 27:14


i am so tired. please restore me

i cant explain how frequently i am amazed by the way our bodies work, the ways we interact with the world around us, and the world around us in and of itself. god is such a crazy inventor, his designs are intricate yet flawless. anyways, heres some art from the holy book:

" ¹² Who can discern his errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.

¹³ Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.

¹⁴ May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer." - Psalm 19

may my thoughts, my words, my actions be pleasing to you, holy creator.
oh redeemer, wash me clean in the soap of your love.

drizzly, dreary tuesday

i have about a half hour before my psych class starts and all of us that got here early are huddled in the lecture hall lobby trying to stay dry. what better time to do my soap?!

"I will send you rain in its season, and the ground will yield its crops and the trees of the field their fruit." - Leviticus 26: 4

god is faithful to the earth and its creatures. he gives the earth water, he gives it light, he gives it gravity to stay in fragile orbit. he provides sustenance for the beasts of nature, he provides shelter, he provides companions. those who love him are completely satisfied.

thank you for your grace, god. i am undeserving of this good that you pour upon me. how sweet your love is!

tanya is risen, she is risen indeed!

jesus brought my lappytop back to life :)
everything about this day is flippin perfect, god. i appreciate it mucho

Psalm 62

For the director of music. For Jeduthun. A psalm of David.

¹ My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.

² He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

³ How long will you assault a man?
Would all of you throw him down—
this leaning wall, this tottering fence?

⁴ They fully intend to topple him
from his lofty place;
they take delight in lies.
With their mouths they bless,
but in their hearts they curse.
Selah

⁵ Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.

⁶ He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

⁷ My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

⁸ Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Selah

⁹ Lowborn men are but a breath,
the highborn are but a lie;
if weighed on a balance, they are nothing;
together they are only a breath.

¹⁰ Do not trust in extortion
or take pride in stolen goods;
though your riches increase,
do not set your heart on them.

¹¹ One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong,

¹² and that you, O Lord, are loving.
Surely you will reward each person
according to what he has done.

just stop and reread that.
how gorgeous is this? i dont know what to say.
david as a "tottering fence," that all men are "nothing" if weighed on a balance, that our strong god is also a loving god-- this psalm is definitely tickling my fancy.


oh, my god, my rock,
hear me beg for forgiveness at my very lowest
undignified as i am, i return to you once more
oh, my god, my loving god,
you have given rest to the weary soul
you are ever faithful, ever loyal, ever fair
oh, my lord of lords, my hope,
you are strong!
you use your strength to love me
you are the crux of this puny existence, this short breath that is my life.
you are the crux.
you are.

blogging on a blackberry...i feel way too techy right now...

downside of doing soap on a computer = the computer crashes from time to time.
I miss you tanya :( don't worry, you will be all patched up soon enough and ready to guide me across the magical interwebs once more.

but the limitations of having no computer do cause me to resort to talking directly with god more and that's always a plus.

continue to reveal yourself to me in new ways, remind me of how little I know you and how restricted my perspective of you is

the good life

“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” - Matthew 5:11+12

im so lucky to be able to live my life as i choose and be free of discrimination or persecution. my life is so easy. thank you god. but if it is true that i am blessed through insult and such attacks upon my spirit, than please bring on the haters. im not afraid.